So before I became a mom, I prayed about how I could be the best parent to my kid. What I didn’t realize is how much fear I let in while I was trying to be the best for my kid.
When I was postpartum, my emotions were everywhere. I honestly feel bad for my husband because he probably thought of me very close to a nagging dictator. I would tell him how to do everything as if he didn’t have a gift for being my sons dad. I would say things based on fear like “oh, don’t forget to do this” or ” Oh you probably should do this” and do things out of fear like stay home instead of going out to make sure the kid was O.K.
When my emotions leveled off, I realized I wasn’t nagging as much but I was still doing it. I was constantly reminding him to throughly wash the baby bottles, or reminding him to do the obvious like how to wipe the babies bottom. I was legit ridiculous and missed the opportunity to let my husband be a parent and grow on his own. He was a sunflower trying to grow and I keep nipping at him.
While it isn’t bad to suggest how to do things, it’s not healthy to do it for everything you think would be harmful. Not everything you think will be harmful, bad or destructive is actually bad. In addition, it’s okay if your husband messes up! You mess up probably more than you want to admit but you give yourself a grace pass. Trust me I know you do because I do it too and whether you like it or not you need to give that same pass to your husband. You both are in this together but you both will parent differently and that’s okay. You both will also mess up too and that’s where grace instead of fear comes in handy. You will have the ability to nurture each other instead of cut each other at the knees.
As I was talking with Jesus, He showed me that I needed to have grace and compassion for my husband. When we were welcoming our baby boy into the world, I had to have a c-section. I was put completely under due to some issues so I was not able to meet my son for the first moments. I met him 6 hours later.
But as I stared at the photo of my husband meeting him for the first time, I realized my husband had to make decisions, and welcome our baby boy into the world all on his own. He did it without me there and he did it so beautifully. I had to realize my husband was already equipped to handle parenting before I put my two cents in. I have stepped back and when I have I have seen how much of a great job he does with my kid. It’s rewarding to see and a growth experience for myself.
Yes, there will be days you will look at your husband and want to say “really you chose to do it that way?” But let him choose that way of figuring out how to parent and step back. You may even enjoy seeing them play, learn, and have fun. You may also learn how to cope differently when a boo boo happens. If you feel you need to comment tell God your concern, and pray how you should or shouldn’t present that concern.
There is a time for advice and discussing the wellbeing of your kids. It is very important to mention concerns but that time isn’t all the time. I know from experience that if you continue to do so you will crush your husbands spirit and it can cause tension in your relationship. I know it’s hard to surrender the fear we have but if we realize that if we let go of fear we invite confidence and the power to have a stronger relationship with God and your husband. This in the long run will benefit you and your family.