I’m going to be honest, last night I felt low. I know God loves me and has a plan for tonight but I see everyone around me being blessed with the items, experiences, and jobs that I want to pursue. I feel under valued and placed on the book shelf where no body touches. But while I was going through my self pity party, I realized that I wasn’t being misplaced and misused but that I was in a place of rest and learning how important that is for your mind,body, and soul.
While I was getting over my little sob fest, I realized that God had put me in this season, purposefully. There is such an importance on learning to rest. We are able to refocus, refine and reevaluate the our goals and desires. As I payed there, I recalled a memory from my child hood that spoke multitudes to me.
When I was in about 8th grade, I had signed up to preform a poem in a contest. I practiced day after day with my mom who was (still is) amazing at dramatizing and adding character to a book, poem or play.
After practicing and working hard, the day came for us to practice at my school so we could practice our time and critic anything that needed to be changed. When it was my turn, I was so nervous but I went up and did it. My teacher pulled me aside and said “well this was your time” and the stop watch said .49 seconds. I spoke a poem that was supposed to take 2 minutes to do in 49 seconds!!
I thought to myself, I’m doomed and why bother continuing this. I was even tempted to not go to the contest but I went anyway. I squandered the thought that I was surely going to lose or choke on stage. But when I got into the room where the kids from different schools where competing I felt peace. I watched as everyone did their piece and noticed something about them. I saw that some were struggling and some even getting help from their parents. Now I realize that they were being human and it’s okay to be human. Anyway, my turn came up as I was one of the last to go up. I breathed and did it. I said my poem. Not only did I do it with passion and grace I won first place out of the competition. I also wasn’t prepared to say it in front of the whole congregation that had gathered there that day but I went up and I did it. I conquered that day and won.
So why am I telling you this? Well if I had been determined to give up and continued to believe I had no worth in my life I would have never went and won. I wouldn’t have know what worth and value I do have. Although the situation didn’t decide my worth or value, my perspective changed and I was able to walk into that room regardless of what I had done or what may happen. I had to be determined with faith to keep pursuing even though the odds were stacked against me in my heart.
Even now where I feel the odds are stacked against me I need to know that my worth in God never changes. No matter what the situation is. This means putting our faith in God even when we can not see. I didn’t know I was going to win and know I don’t know the plans that God has for me but He does ( Jeremiah 29:11)
So going back to my pity party stuff, my worth does not change because of the situation God has put me in. I may not like where I’m at and feel put to the side but I am by no means set to the side. I am working with what I have now and loving on the people who are in my life. And I am learning how to praise God and thank him through this time. I don’t need to chase after the next thing all I need to do is put my trust and faith in God. I need to be determined to continue to see my worth through this time and value the process and place I’m at.