When I started a patio garden, I imagined all the beautiful plants that would grow. What I did not expect was a deep seed of impatience to sprout its roots and embed itself into my soul. I went through all the motions of placing the seed into the soil, cover and pat gently, and then spritz with water. But after a few days, my curiosity about the growth underneath the soil grew. I wondered if anything was happening and doubted if I had correctly followed the instructions. I frequently checked on the plants to see if any had popped through the soil but became disappointed when I didn’t see the growth. They needed time to sprout and were under the soil working hard to grow through.
Occasionally, my impatience grew to the point where curiosity killed the …plant. I would end up poking at the soil till I saw the seed but by doing this I disrupted the growth process. It was cool to see the seed growth but immediately I felt guilty and discouraged. I realized that if I left well enough alone, I would have had a beautiful flower. I felt like a failure. I wanted something instantly and wasn’t willing to take the time to see its beauty. It’s not like I was doing all the hard work in this matter too. It is the side effect of being impatient
Time and time again, I find myself in a loop of being impatient. I love an idea, look, or prosperity that an idea could have for my family but too often I don’t understand the process or time it will take to get to that point. I don’t realize that the process is long and hard to get to the point I want to be at. I am really good at seeing the end results but I’m not mature enough to have the final results. In addition, because of being impatient, I feel frustrated, sad, ruin the end results and even have caused tension between my husband and I. Occasionally, comparison and envy have come hand in hand with being impatient.
I see what someone else has and immediately think: “Why can’t I be where they’re at? I bet you they just put a video up, worked out for a short period of time, or just received what they have quickly. Why do I have to go through all this hard work if they didn’t have too!” This mentality is so immature and I find myself praying that I become better. I don’t deserve what they have because I haven’t gone through the process to get there. I didn’t see the hard process and time they took to get to the place they are at now. And to be honest, I wouldn’t be able to handle the final result right now. I may even act immaturely because I haven’t gone through the refining process of it all. Just like a plant though, I am constantly growing. It may be a long, hard and a trying process but I am learning and growing. I am constantly watering my heart with positive thoughts and praying for God to change me.
When a situation arises that could potentially make me impatient, I try to stop myself from going down a path of immaturity. It’s taken me 4 years to realize that I have what it takes but I just need to persevere through the hard parts and realize that even though I can’t see anything right now God is making things work out. I know there is so much grace for me and I need to allow myself to have the time to grow. I know that if I allow myself this time to grow, the fruits of my labor will be more than I could imagine. I just need to stick to it and not become weary. I need to trust that even though I don’t see anything happening right now that God has my back. Its not in my power to make something successful but I can make myself be patient and learn to love the journey regardless of the outcome.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”