* there are spelling errors, more than usual, because I am crying so don’t judge me y’all.
Click this video link for visual:
So this week’s post, I am going to be really raw and honest. I am not doing well. I feel like the generic brand at the super market always, always looked over but never the main event. The book on the shelve that no one reads, the end piece of sliced bread, and most of all unnoticed by God.
I guess you could say I’m in a funk, but honestly this is how I feel. I feel I strive to be kind, there for people when they need it, and when I share something and ask for a favor returned it never is reciprocated. Or maybe it is but I’m to gosh darn depressed to realize it!!
I should be happy because we just bought our dream home, I have a great family, my blog is doing good but in reality I’m not. It’s because things don’t make you happy but it goes even further. It sucks never being noticed and always the one in the sideline. To always have to struggle and wonder “is it my personality and do I just plain out suck at EVERYTHING I do?
This is how I feel and I seriously don’t know how to move passed this. It’s a sucky feeling to not accomplish any of the goals I have or feel valued in how I do them. Every day I feel I take one baby successful step forward and 10,00000000000000 leaps back. Everyday I have someone unsubscribe, not notice anything I’ve written, said or done. It hurts, it sucks, and I’m sad about it. But it’s not just about that… it isn’t just being unnoticed. I feel worthless, a failure as a mother, wife and all about who I am!
But it’s what I’m going to do from here that matters but I don’t know which way is up or down. I’ve cried out for help and seriously why do people expect a depressed person to reach out?? It’s just foolish thinking. I hate it when people say. “Why didn’t YOU reach out” hmmm, I don’t know maybe because I am TOO depressed to even think of that as an option?? Or maybe I have and been met with “ your fine” “this to will pass” or “look at all the things God has blessed you with” as if depression just lifts knowing the things around me are good and set. And once again things don’t fill the void. Don’t get me wrong there ARE people holding me up and I notice you but I also am depressed and it’s hard to hear, see or feel what your saying.
Sorry for such the depressing post but this is apart of my world right now and it’s not a happy one. I hate being this sad gloomy or whatever you want to call it and it’s not something I want to be. I am working towards steps to heal. This post probably will go unnoticed just like everything I do but at least I know I got it out there. 😥