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Not many of y’all know but I had decided to pick up a part time job….more like full time…. to bring in some extra cash. I also wanted to have a couple days to earn and do something away from home. But as I was going through the motions of learning a new thing I wasn’t as excited and happy as I thought I would be. Of course I loved the discount and I was already so good at my job that the DM came over and made it known to me. But here’s the thing, I can be the best at the job and still unhappy. I wasn’t just unhappy I was miserable!! I had to wake up at 4am and work a 9 hour shift come home, maybe rest and refuel and then say goodbye to Ben as he went to work in the evenings. And after a few weeks, I finally came to the conclusion that this job was breaking me…physically and emotionally. The thing that made me decide it wasn’t for me was was when I saw a mom snap at her kid for trying to help out. The family actually seemed pretty irritated overall but it made me reflect on how I was feeling and that I didn’t want to become them. I was already feeling pretty crumby because of the dizzy spells, migraines and temporary blind spots that began two weeks ago and I didn’t want my attitude to turn sour as well. I decided the job wasn’t for me and no amount of cash thrown my way is worth being away from my kids.
In addition, as I was putting up some bagels I had the thought from the Lord, “ I can make you great in this but you won’t be happy.” I was upset at this because I didn’t want to be good at a job I disliked. In addition it was a reminder to the place God was calling me too. Which is blogging and YouTube. But you know out of my immature silly spirit I tried to create and get what I wanted quick which in return didn’t bring life to my soul…it actually has made me feel ill physically. It just solidified that only God knows what’s best for us and that when he ordains a plan that is good for you and asks you to be patient; you do it! But I kinda feel like Abraham and Sarah when God told them they would become pregnant and then proceeded to do what they thought was best or what God meant. When we decided to read to much into what God says we miss what he is trying to give to us. Anyway I’m getting off on a tangent. But I want to create a place where God shines the brightest. And most importantly I want to be obedient to His will for my life. So I’m stepping away from something I know I could be great at and stepping into a place where I have no clue what’s going to happen. My expectations of being popular, famous, rich, known and seeking others approval is slowly disappearing. My desire has shifted and my priorities have become first God and my family. Second, my blog and YouTube…shortening YT by the way made my husband “mad” so I changed it to YouTube…love you hunny! I am starting to let go of the desire to make money and have to prove myself to the world. It’s a start but it’s a start on the right path. Let me know in the comments what your holding onto and need to let go.
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