Wives, Love HIM Where He’s At

Many years ago before my husband and I were married I used to get annoyed at certain quirks that he did. You know like the classic leave his dirty clothes two feet away from the hamper kinda thing. You would think he would just know that it goes in the hamper right? But it never ends up in the hamper. I remember being so irritated and annoyed because I thought he was doing this on purpose. I mean come on I just cleaned the entire kitchen so you would think he would at least put his dish in the sink!? But no he didn’t. Ugh! 😤 I bet some of you are sitting there saying “yup, I know just how you feel” as you reminisce about the quirk that irritates you the most about your husband. But here’s the jolly old thing, marriage is a two way street; not a one way street. That means there are things, whether you believe it or not, that bother your husband that you do. You know like make him late, or buying things that you don’t necessarily need, taking photos and then always trying to perfect them or excessively complaining?? Yeah, those things bother your husband and there probably are a lot more than what I just listed.

Me trying to get a picture when he DOESN’T want one.

This two way street needs communication, and maintenance. If you are assuming he knows what your thinking or feeling then you made a uturn down the road back to you. You can’t expect him to know what you want when you don’t tell him. They can’t read our minds nor can we read theirs, so it isn’t fair to be mad at them when they are clueless about what you needed. Also, they don’t always pick up our body language (unless it’s the love making language 😜) or even pick up what mood we are in for that matter. In addition, we can’t expect our husbands to meet our expectations if our expectations are too high nor can we expect him to meet them every single time. Imagine them doing that to us. What if they expected us to have the house clean, kids fed, dinner made, no fuss, no complaining, and clean up after dinner every day but never told us their expectations or desires then were just mad and frustrated because we couldn’t read there minds or expectations? Furthermore, how would you feel if all that was placed on your shoulders? It’s a lot so why do we expect our husbands to act, be and do things differently? Trust me though there have been days that I have sat wondering how can I make him a better husband. But the truth was he already is a wonderful husband. He carries so much on his shoulders and has placed his focus on other areas in our relationship/home that I may have “neglected”. He has so much to offer this household and I treasure the thoughts and things he does do around the house…even if it’s leaving his pants two feet away from the hamper. In a weird way, it’s a constant reminder that I can unconditionally love him as he unconditional loves me. In the past, I focused too much on his flaws instead of looking at my own flaws. My attitude needed an adjustment and I started fixing my eyes on myself instead of my husband. I started seeing a dramatic change in the atmosphere around us. We immediately became happier and worked together in our marriage. I became less stressed and it allowed me to relax. I know men are clearly not women and this statement doesn’t make them at all lesser than or stupid like society has tried to make them out to be. It means that we are two very different sexes. Two different personalities and have two ways of looking at life.

My husband is a brilliant man and no it doesn’t make him look brilliant when he puts his underwear on the floor. However, he doesn’t care about it as much as I do. So instead of me fuming about it I talk to him about how this makes me feel and I do it respectfully. Just imagine this two way street having cars. If I never drive my car over to his side he will never know what I need because I’m still parked in my garage. I need to be the one that takes initiative to talk to my husband about my feelings and how these actions make me feel. I have to change my attitude before he can change himself. Once I tell him what I would like, the ball is in his court and he has a choice to help out or continue to do what he once did. If he choses to help out yay you are both growing together. If he doesn’t then keep praying for God to work in his heart. The last thing I want to mention about looking at ourselves first is taking the time to “ask your husband how you could be a better wife.” The first time I heard this advice, it made me so angry because I wasn’t the one who needed to change. The person then proceeded to give me a book called “The Power Of A Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian. I hated the book so much I didn’t finish it. However, when I was done throwing my pity party the parts I did read drastically helped me in my marriage. The book helped me look back at myself. Now it didn’t fix all my problems but it did help me see things in a different perspective. I have to remember he thinks differently and more “simple” than I do. Men are very complex though. The Lord made him unique and special and I know my husband has helped me refocus on the things that matter most in life. He has a lot to offer you in your journey but you’re going to miss that if you keep hounding him for every little tiny thing in this life that bothers you. This doesn’t mean he has a free pass and he should learn to place his clothes in the hamper but it allows God to fix his heart. It gives you the opportunity to rely on God to give him understanding. In the end you have a choice to make: get angry, yell at him, have him shut down, and continue doing what makes you mad👉repeat or pray, talk to him, allow God to move in his heart and love him where he is at. I chose him and I intend to love mine where he’s at because he loves me where I am at…how about you?

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