This journey started about a year ago, and before I get started I thought I’d recap on what I used to look like and how I felt throughout the journey. In 2020, I wanted to become the best version of myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. My original weight was around 155 and I was a size 8/10 or large. I set a healthy goal to become 125 lbs and to fit into size 4/6 pants. Although I’m not 100% where I want to be, I’m farther than I’ve ever been before and proud of myself. I know one thing is for sure, this journey has enlightened me on what’s important.
I wanted to show myself that I didn’t have to lean on a diet fad, pills, or products to lose weight… I’m also not judging anyone if you do…I just wanted to challenge myself. I worked out, drank a protein powder shake, and cut items like sugar and dairy…and no I didn’t count calories…. eventually I had the courage to ask God what He thought of me and place my weight lose journey in his hands. Once I let go of expectations the journey became enjoyable for me at times. It’s also cool that our bodies tell a story and speak to us. For me if I didn’t stretch and hydrate I would become dizzy and very sore the next day. I also realized that everyone’s journey is beautifully different. Some people, like myself, have a hard time losing weight while others lose weight easily. Not only that I realized I held into weight more when I was stressed out and when my hormones where out of wack. But… without further ado let’s get to this because I know your just as excited as I am to see the transformation.
This is day one and I was around 155…When I looked at this photo I remember feeling sad. I always wanted to be one of the girls that stayed thin during pregnancy but that just didn’t happen. I became so sick it was hard to do much of anything else. Three months after giving birth, I just became sick of feeling blah and wanted to change how I looked and felt. I wanted so badly to be happy but I’d later find out I was lacking a lot of minerals and vitamins that lead me into a deep postpartum depression. I didn’t realize how much your hormones can “control” how you are feeling though. Anyway, it lead me down a road of needing to seek approval from all the wrong places. I started an Instagram and even a YT channel where I failed miserably. All of this plus the hormone and the weight made me feel like a complete failure. I was trying to repair a broken heart yet only God could fix the issues. At this time, My tendency was to go after things that lead me astray from the heart of God. I’m not saying YT won’t be in the future but at the time it just was something to “fill a void” that only God could have filled. I felt yucky and I just craved love and recognition. I know people loved me but I didn’t believe they could love me with all the brokenness I had. Eventually, I realizing that I was/am already loved by the God above and by people without the recognition and fame. I was loved because I was simply me…and I’m not saying that pridefully.
Yet…Some days were hard for me and I cried. Some days I just wanted to cuddled my babies. Some days were hard and I dealt with exhaustion, depression, fighting tiredness, comparison, negative thoughts, and scared of failing. I didn’t have many people to come help me and that only continued as covid hit the US.
But I kept going…
I knew if I quit nothing was going to change. So Ben and I started going on 3 mile walks everyday.. I wanted to show myself that I could accomplish goals and defeat negative thoughts. At first the weight came off one or half a pound a week. I wasn’t seeing the progress but just like a planted seed there was much growth going on beneath the surface. As I walked the weight started to shed like crazy. As the weeks went on my confidence only grew. But then I was hit with even deeper depression and emotional trauma that needed to be dealt with. God not only wanted to change the outside appearance but he wanted my attitude to heal and shine as well.
The Turning Point
When we moved into our new house my weight stalled. I was sick of being overweight and unhappy but I became severely depressed. You can see it written over my face. I remember looking at someone else and feeling inadequate but it drove me to want to reach my goal. I didn’t post because Most days I felt like I was going to die. I felt useless, unwanted, unworthy and silly for even dreaming of becoming thin or anything else. Here God had given me a beautiful husband, two great boys, a beautiful house and great friends yet I felt gross. I felt attacked by the enemy and was influenced that I needed to become famous on social media in order to be loved by God and others. I later found out I suffer from what I call reverse Pride which I will be talking about in a later post and a lie that I wasn’t good enough. Since I felt so inadequate I wanted to bring in some income so I got a job at Panera. I was 138 lbs and didn’t lose a lot until I started to work 40 hours a week. The last 10 lbs ended up shedding off that one month of working there. I quit for various reasons and one of them being I felt the Lord say that he could make me prosper at that job (read here) but I wouldn’t be happy. It hit me hard and the long time spent away from my kids was making me ache to be with them.
As I kept working out I became more confident and willing to love the places I wasn’t as fond of. I would place my hand on them and say that I did love them and thanked them for being there. Clothes started to become loose and my depression started to lift when I consumed the right vitamins/minerals. Not only that but the Lord has been working on my mindset which has been a bit harder battle than losing the weight. All in all, this has been an amazing journey of healing and growth. I am so thankful for all that I have learned and for the people who have held my hand when I needed them. I reached my goal of being a size 4/6 and weighing about 124/125 lbs. Right now, I’m still continuing to learn, workout and eat better. One last thing I want to mention. Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself and push yourself. Where ever you are in your journey, you should be proud of yourself. If you haven’t reached your goals yet keep going and don’t compare my journey to your journey. They are both unique and beautiful so enjoy this time and persevere through the pain. You never know how far you can go if you place limitations on yourself. If you are not already following along please hit that follow button as I talk more about tips, tricks and mindsets that helped me lose weight. Thanks y’all, and if you have any questions please feel free to comment down below.
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Special Thanks To:
God. Without God guiding me through and showing me that I needed to fix my heart attitude I would be lost. He sent the right people into my life to cheer me on. He helped guide me and strengthen me throughout this journey.
Ben, thank you for being my cheerleader. He had to see me battle out my worst. He was there to help push me through. He picked up the slack when I was weak. Thank you for always pushing my heart towards God.
My munchkins. Because without them I wouldn’t have been able to go through a transformation like this. It was a refining process that I am super grateful for…also he worked out with me and had fun playing games, walking, or being my extra weight to help mommy lose weight.