Yesterday I decided that I wanted to hang my clothes up on the line to dry. It was a lovely day and I love the smell of fresh clothes. This is something I regularly do with my clothes in the summer time and I’ll be honest I kinda feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder or Elizabeth Bennet pulling the clothes off the line in “Pride and Prejudice”
Well, I went about my day with no thought of worry or anxious thought until I had a phone call conversation with an individual…who just mentioned “aren’t you worried about ticks jumping up onto your clothes?” I thought for a moment, closed my eyes but was met with the thought “I don’t have time to worry about this.” I told her “I don’t have the time (capacity) to worry about that.” And I don’t. I can’t afford to lose a moment in worry. Life is short and I don’t want to worry about the small “what if’s” that could happen. You see…I spent years being afraid of the little things in life and the “what if’s” that it hindered me from doing anything. Some days I spent countless hours…or even days in my bed because I was afraid. It ruined my life and I knew that if I spent my life like this I would have regrets at the end of my life. Not only that I wanted to stop taking on other peoples fears and worries as I battle other worries of my own.
The year 2016 or about 6 years ago, I decided I wanted to stop living a life of fear and to move forward with my life..fearless. A thought and action I never knew I could embrace or think to be possible. But I was physically, emotionally and mentally tired. I didn’t want to be afraid or overtaken by fear that shook me to the core. I remember one drive home being over taken with anxiety and decided to repeat Gods truth over my head. The first Bible verse he gave me to repeat was Proverbs 3:5-6:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
I repeated this verse over and over again until It silenced the repeating, crackling voice in my head. Now the fear and anxiety isn’t completely gone and it did intensify when I had kids but it isn’t in control either. I’m able to do things without thinking the worst and I’m able to not question if I left the stove on ever time or will the place burn down if I leave. This is victory in itself as every time I would leave I would ask my husband “ is the doors locked and stove off? The motivation to keep moving forward was watching my husband live a life of freedom. He isn’t afraid or worries by the what if’s. I wanted to live like this and have often wondered why women/mothers worry more?? Like if we don’t worry are we judged because worrying is seen as “caring?” Whatever it may be I know I don’t want to model a mother who frets and worry’s or uses the phrase “I’m just caring and being protective” when in reality I’m just plan fearful. I started to learn how to live a life of freedom, to trust God and the difference between worry and caution for the sake of my own God given life and for my kids.
While worry means “to give way to anxiety or unease; to allow ones mind to dwell on a difficulty or trouble” to be cautious means” the action to desire to avoid potential problems. They are not the same thing and really shouldn’t be mixed together. While I think God gives us wisdom to asses the possible problems; I realize its not healthy to dwell on them or to be crippled by them. Every step I take I’m moving in the right direction. Each day I’m more joyful and happy. I know that there are people out there that have disorders, need medication and are over come by anxious thoughts. I want to let you know I understand and I see you. Its a heavy weight to carry and shouldn’t be ignored. I am here for you and praying for freedom from fear, anxiousness, and worry. I pray you will be released and will be able to live a life fearless. We only have one life to live and I pray we live it well. 💕