Okay so I’ll be the first to admit I struggle with physical battles. Surviving childhood trauma…taking this step by step. Working 3 jobs and going to college..no problem. Living in Texas with no blood related family…no problem. Raising two beautiful boys..no problem. Battling chronic fatigue, EBV, thyroid issues and testosterone issues…ugh *I clasp to the floor. I loathe feeling pain of any kind and my attitude has not been the best. My attitude has been struggling to stay grateful and many days I have found myself grumbling and complaining about the circumstances I’m in. I sometimes think my body is defective and I demand to feel better…but to be really honest God doesn’t owe me a new body here on earth and I think Gods purpose for all of this is to make me rest.
I know he has promised that my healing will be completed..I just do not know if that will be here on earth or when I die. I’d hope that it would be restored here on earth for it would be a blessing to feel good in my body…but sometimes God doesn’t heal us here on earth. This makes me realize how much I didn’t appreciate the healthy body I did have. It just wasn’t something I thought about until I felt inadequate and Ill-ish. It also makes me realize how much time I’ve spent trying to heal my pain in meaningless things like Instagram, working out and youtube. #repentinghard
I was trying to drown out the pain by keeping my body constantly going so I wouldn’t have to confront the pain or confront God in a more intimate way. I know I can not change the past but I am ready to change the present and future. I want to make sure I am spending time with Jesus and my family way more than on social media. I want to be completely transformed to the point where people point and say “I want what she has.” To which I’ll say it was all Jesus. The thought I keep seeing is of God ripping off the old shell/nature and me stepping into a place of maturity. I am excited for what God has for my family and what he is doing in my life. I know that this pain and discomfort isn’t for nothing. God always has a purpose and I will endure it.
being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;Philippians 1:6